I can’t believe that tomorrow you should be four years old. A lot has happened in your short life and the one that followed. Most importantly to you is that Holly and Barney are happy. Holly still talks about you all the time. Barney practices saying your name. Obviously he’s not pieced this weird family of ours together yet, although every time we come to visit your headstone in the church he is very very quiet and gives us the space to think. So perhaps he feels something.
The charity that exists in your name feels like it has its own relevance now. From the outset for Daddy and I, we always confessed that a part of its purpose was to enable us to hear your name more by giving other people a reason to use it. We also realised that doing things for others makes you feel good and we used that as a crutch to get us through. Today it means that but more too. You have helped other kids have a nicer time, in a small way, during their time in hospital through the vein finders, so that things like blood tests happen more quickly, and through lots of books and toys. I can’t tell you how many friends you have now. So far about 1100 other families have your cookbook and we have printed more. About 130 people have completed triathlons in your name, many of whom would never have considered that before you. They were supported by hundreds of their family members and friends too. A whole school has chosen you as their charity of the year and are doing all sorts of fundraising events to make a difference. Who knows where your ripples will reach. We’re learning lots about the challenges that children’s hospitals in the UK face and working with a growing network of clinicians to identify which ones are realistic to solve.
That is all good but I wish you were here. You are literally constantly in our thoughts. When I’m watching Holly and Barney talk or play or just ‘be’ I can see elements of you in them. When people talk about how much they love their kids I wish I could have my arms around my family intact too. And when people talk about how hard they find it being away from their children or how they miss them when away on a trip I just think about the lifetime that we will share apart.
Loving you always,